"She yelled at me for seventy-nine straight minutes, mostly about how violated she felt by my actions, and then she got even more angry because I couldn't really understand why something I did had upset her. So she took ten of my CrimeBusters notebooks and ran them through her bill shredder page by page, and suddenly, her point was crystal clear. I was so furious that, that night, I dumped the bin of shredded paper over her head while she was asleep."
"I have a joke:
Two muffins are in an oven.
One muffin says, "Wow, it's really hot in here."
The other one jumps and says, "Yikes! A talking muffin."
This is funny because
1. Muffins don't talk
2. I am sane enough to know that. In spite of what my mother and Oliver and practically every psychiatrist in Vermont seem to think, I have never struck up a conversation with a muffin in my entire life.
3. That would just be plain corny.
4. You got that joke, too, right?
